My
feelings for Aamar Nijer by Dave
After
first hearing of Aamar Nijer Bari – My Own Home
this past February, I felt that I had never experienced
such a place, where I could feel completely free,
a home where I could be supported in reaching my
dreams, a place where I could feel fully accepted
for who I was, a place where I could be challenged,
experience personal growth and become a better human
being, a place where the feelings of love, peace,
joy and harmony were prevalent.
I felt very soothed and peaceful after reading
about Aamar Nijer Bari. Could such a home exist, I thought. At that time, I had no plans of coming to Kolkata and Aamar
Nijer Bari.
Two
months later, I was given the opportunity to come
to Kolkata for 8 weeks. I had 3 other choices for
the summer:
1)
To work as a camp counselor with kids coming from
broken families.
2)
To work as a bartender and earn much money.
3)
To go to a yoga ashram.
For
the previous year I was committed to a yoga routine
and felt some benefits of a calmer mind and joy
irrespective of my life stresses at the time. I
therefore desired to explore this yoga ashram. But
I thought that I could do this yoga stuff whenever
I wanted. Going to Kolkata was not an opportunity
that came every day. More importantly, Kolkata and
Korak were the source of my greatest personal growth.
The possibility of another wonderful visit was very
likely.
Then,
one week before I was to leave for Kolkata, the
India-Pakistan situation became front-page news
in the United States. The word ‘nuclear’ was used
as much as possible and the government issued a
voluntary evacuation of the area. My parents, relatives
and friends expressed their concerns to me and asked
me not to go. I felt that the only way I would not
go to Kolkata is if all the flights to India were
cancelled. War or no war, I was going to Kolkata.
As
with my first visit to Kolkata, I did not know the
details of what I would be doing on a daily basis
with Aamar Nijer - My Own. But I felt certain that
this trip would help me to grow up and to learn
some life lessons. I had thought that the love,
lasting peace, harmony and personal growth I associated
with Aamar Nijer - My Own were simply waiting for
me, like going to the store to pick up some vegetables.
I thought that I could be closer to realizing myself
by just being in the presence of realized persons.
I had not thought that the personal growth and good
feelings would need to be earned through hard work
– giving my full concentration, time and efforts
to selfless works like Aamar Nijer - My Own.
Finally
I arrived in Kolkata and to Aamar Nijer Bari. During
the first two days, I was adjusting to the new environment
and going with Korak to meetings related to the
projects and becoming familiar with these works
and projects of Aamar Nijer - My Own. I spent much
time observing and learning how to transform the
beautiful aims and objectives of Aamar Nijer - My
Own into a concrete reality. There were many projects
that were just beginning: the Aamar Nijer - My Own
Show, the Training School for ‘English Spoken Confidently’
and a traditional handicraft skill called Zardozi,
the quarterly magazine – YOUNG along with much computer
related work such as website design and development
and general administrative work.
I
was meeting many of the people working with Aamar
Nijer - My Own. These people were very special and
I was blessed with the opportunity to work with
them. Every day there were many meetings, phone
calls and appointments to attend, many items to
plan, organize and document. There was also much
waiting before and after the meetings and traveling
to the different areas of Kolkata was a part of
the work.
Within
these first few days with Aamar Nijer - My Own,
I realized that many of the beautiful things that
Aamar Nijer - My Own offered were found here, but
had to be sought after. Understanding how my expectations
had fooled me, I was then feeling anguished, my
mind was constantly disturbed, thinking about how
I felt that I was doing no useful work with Aamar
Nijer - My Own – so much waiting, planning, making
phone calls and running around town.
I
felt bored and unsatisfied, but I was clearly challenged
–something that I said I wanted from Aamar Nijer
- My Own, yet I wanted to run away from these challenges.
I was challenged to develop my patience, to learn
to do work that I do not enjoy but is for the benefit
of others (yet eventually for myself), to make the
work interesting, to give when I feel distraught.
I had little understating about such giving, where
I would not consider my liking for the work.
I
would remind myself that it would take time to feel
the essence of Aamar Nijer - My Own, then I could
be fully involved in the works but for the time
being I would have to endure some mental discomfitures.
The time spent in observing how things get done,
absorbing these lessons, and waiting was just as
critical as doing the work, but I allowed my mind
and expectations to be stuck on doing this or that
and therefore initial adjustment period was felt
to be useless. Even though I found the aims and
objectives of Aamar Nijer - My Own, one of which
was to give internal beauty to all, to be noble,
I could not find the will or patience to continue
with such work and the feelings that I was having.
I could not put aside my mind’s need to do work
that I enjoyed.
Still,
even with all my personal ‘requirements’, there
were many opportunities to do work that did not
involve meetings, phone calls and waiting, but contributed
to Aamar Nijer - My Own. I was given the chance
to have AS MUCH RESPONSIBILITY as I wanted. There
was much work waiting to be completed. Article writing,
design, and layout of the magazine, and research
and information gathering were activities that I
could do alone.
Much
of this critical work could be done from anywhere
in the world.
As
Aamar Nijer - My Own was also a home for the unloved,
lonely and unguided, there was also the opportunity
to do ‘hands on’ work – direct caring for people
who are sick or dying. Aamar Nijer Bari – My Own
Home is a place where people can receive love or
give love. I am living with Korak and Nitai. It
is a place where I can feel the essence of a family
with strong bonds. The three of us make a small
family, but we never know when this family will
grow larger. We cook and eat dinner together, as
strong families do. I cannot verbally communicate
with Nitai, but there is significant and meaningful
non-verbal language, which I have come to enjoy.
Nitai was once considered to have mental problems,
and not only is he no longer ‘mental’ at all times,
but he is a good man, a man who knows about love.
This was the touch of the love and the patience
of Aamar Nijer - My Own on him.
After
all my self-created anguish about how I did not
like the indirect service work with Aamar Nijer
- My Own, the planning, organizing and documenting,
I was given what I had wanted, the opportunity to
do as much DIRECT work with the people and increase
the size of the Aamar Nijer –My own’ s family by
bringing uncared-for people into the home and giving
them love.
I
turned down this fabulous opportunity, that would
allow me to do what I liked and to contribute to
Aamar Nijer - My Own. The cake (of personal growth,
love, peace, joy) was there to be eaten; yet I did
not eat the cake.
By
the time this opportunity came, I was too comfortable
with the routine works with Mother Teresa’s home
and the good feelings that come there. There was
much uncertainty with this new home. At the time,
I did not feel ready to give up these good feelings
from Mother Teresa’s home for the uncertainties
of the Aamar Nijer - My Own Home. My life experience
showed me that taking risks in life usually brings
good things for me. Deep within me, I felt that
I would receive much more by being a part of this
new and exciting home of Aamar Nijer - My Own, but
I did not listen. I allowed this great opportunity
to slip away. Now, I feel ready for the work to
love and care in increasing the size of the Aamar
Nijer - My Own family, but this particular opportunity
may not come again.
For
most of my 8 weeks, I worked at Mother Teresa’s
home for the dying destitute. The hours in between
the shifts and the evening hours and one full day
a week, a total of at least 5 hours daily, were
available for the works of Aamar Nijer- My Own.
Initially I did not maximally use these 45 weekly
hours available for Aamar Nijer - My Own, but as
the weeks went by, I used the hours available for
Aamar Nijer - My Own more fully, with a greater
focus. These 8 weeks have passed quickly and shortly
I will return to the United States.
After
all my commotion, I was still fully accepted and
loved by the people of Aamar Nijer - My Own. Regardless
of what I did or did not do, regardless of what
I said or did not say, I was given LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL
AND ETERNAL. This love is something that I have
never felt elsewhere.
This
alone makes my visit to Kolkata and Aamar Nijer
- My Own wonderful, beautiful, joyful. To make people
FEEL that they have been loved is a hallmark of
Aamar Nijer - My Own.
For
the first time in my life, it has been clearly demonstrated
to me, that to love truly, is a beautiful process.
Yes, it seems difficult and painful to love, but
the joy in loving, in seeing other people feel loved
and joyful, seems to be unique, deep and lasting.
I have learned that to love I need not be in Kolkata.
People all over the world are starving for love.
I am free to love anywhere that I am and at any
time. But this realization and my conviction and
understanding to this feeling which is a part of
me now, is my gift from Aamar Nijer - My Own.
Dave was attached to Aamar Nijer - My Own at the
time when I was struggling to start this school.
He also went with me sometimes when I used to go
to all the schools to convince a teacher to come
and teach English. But since god wanted it to happen,
I started to teach there. I did not find anyone
to teach and I could not see and do nothing because
of the excitement of these girls who really wanted
to learn. I felt if I didn’t start to teach them,
then my life was not worth living. So anyway Dave
once showed interest to skip his Kalighat schedule,
and he came to see the school. This was his feeling
at the school in the beginning, but after that he
felt something so special and the students there
gave him so much joy that he must have repented
later that he did not come there earlier. What he
received there from everyone was something, which
will be always an undetectable part of his good
life. He wrote his initial feelings:
Dave's
feelings and beautiful experience of the joy at
ANTS.
If
you want to talk to Dave or if you want to write
to him, then please Click HERE]
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