2002/
October 18th
Today
is 2002/Oct 18th and today at the School I saw so
many crying eyes and children who were feeling so
lost and getting so much without hope! Today I was
supposed to tell them that I have to discontinue
the course and all that I am doing because the authorities
don’t want and do not like all that is happening
here at the ANTS.
One girl told me that "we never
got love from our brothers, parents and all others
and this was the first time we were feeling that
someone loves us and really takes care of us from
his heart and you are also leaving us. Actually
our destiny is rotten, the worst thing is that we
are born in a Muslim family to butchers caste and
then to be a woman and on top of that no one loves
us and cares about any thing of our life and future
and when you came we now feel that we are also human
beings and we are also something and now you are
leaving us. Fine, when we have a bad destiny then
we have to go through it and fine we will go home
and make rotis (breads). Then we will be forced
to marry any blind, deaf or handicapped and then
we will go and be slaves to someone."
Another one said "You saw sir
yesterday that young boy committed suicide near
our school in the building by having poison, next
will be me. There is nothing in life to look forward
to and you were the last hope, you will find another
suicide case tomorrow". Then this girl was
trying to cut her veins with a blade and then she
held it tightly in her fist and I had to make her
understand that that was not intelligent to do that
AND that will also aggravate our case. It took so
many students to make her feel comforted.
"We never even knew how to
walk properly, leave alone talk. You taught us everything
starting from how to walk properly and now we have
got so much from you. How can you leave us like
that? We are destined to be like this, even if we
want we cannot make anything or any change anything
with our families and fathers so we are helpless,
all our life we wanted to study and know things
in life and also grow up but because of money and
all the other problems we could never study and
now when we got what we asked Allah for such a long
time, this is being taken away from us. Are there
only sufferings in our lives? Can’t we fulfill any
of our dreams?’ and she started crying.
Oh
god why do you make me so helpless. I do not want
to react to the authorities in the way they want.
I do not want to react at all because I believe
in loving and making people understand my heart
and feelings and by my hard work and sufferings
which comes in the way of doing it and from all
people. A little child whose family I went to see
so many times to let that child study, he is only
may be 6-7 years because I saw in his eyes the real
zeal to learn and he was doing so well in the last
3 days of his class. I could take he said "Why
can’t you teach sir, but I really want to study.
I love to study. Please teach me. Do not stop!"
Some more little children who could never dream
to study because their parents didn’t have any money
to teach them didn’t understand me when I say "not
to come" to them."Oh tomorrow no class,
ok we will come on Monday"’ that is what god
wanted, to show me and make me hear and add more
weight on my sufferings. " You know sir, we
used to shiver in front of men and people we were
not familiar with and now only because of you we
got so much confidence that we can talk to anyone
from anywhere’ ……and many-many things….".
How
could I explain to them that I have been asked by
the authorities not to continue and that I have
already started so much work there that I just cannot
discontinue and stop? People also say that I had
been too fast in doing all that I have done. But
it’s not my fault. I have truly worked very hard
and I feel its god who made all this happen. And
then there is so much work to be done and every
thing is like top priority that even after trying
not to rush things I still have gone through lots
of pains when I couldn’t do anything for all those
helpless women, children, elderly men, old people
and all the gamut of needs there, from where could
I get so many jobs for them. So I was generating
some jobs through Aamar Nijer - My Own so that they
can get some money. There is also so much of hatred
and bad feeling here amongst neighbors, relatives,
friends etc among everyone. And then so much for
making someone a scapegoat and everyone charging
that person and everyone is quiet and then I cannot
see all these inhuman things, so I have to be on
the side of those who have none, even at the cost
of buying grudges off the people I know. But only
with this hope that one day they will understand
that I did all that to this one person who was blasted
by everyone. Aamar Nijer is for those who have no
one for them. And this incident happened at the
same time when everyone was blasting this one-person.
There down in the streets in the neighborhood of
the school was a boy lying down in a funeral cot
who had committed suicide. As if god is showing
me once again that SEE, this happens to the people
who have lost all hope and all the desire and are
sure that in this whole big world there is no one
who is for them and that no one understands them.
So I have to react before a similar thing happens
with another person I knew. There is no point fighting.
When can both fighting partners try to grow up!
May be I am going off-track.
I
can go and win anywhere because of the kind of hard
work I put in and the strength of god I have in
my soul, in any place, but I want to win along with
these girls and these children and all these people
who need. Today I saw so many eyes with tears and
hopelessness. Then there was this three-year-old
girl who is very mischievous and whom I taught because
her father is no more and her mother has so many
children and is too poor to teach her. Her aunts
who study in the school went and told her that sir
will not come anymore and that he is leaving. I
was sitting and I heard that some little person
is running up the stairs and she came running to
me and stopped a distance from me and started coming
close to me and she was looking towards me with
those eyes that I cannot explain to you and writing
here. She was talking to my soul and other elder
children were trying to tell her to go and she was
just looking at me and I could understand the feeling
of this little child….
How could I stop this, which I have
started? I cannot crush the dreams of so many people.
But I cannot fight with the authorities and I will
not fight and I know that if I am true in my soul
and my work that at least god will be with me and
will show me another way so that all can be taken
care of. There is so much to it and I cannot write
it all.
If you would
like to comment or share your feelings about this
then please Click HERE]
Back
to Articles
|
